I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
