69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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