i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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