"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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