it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
