Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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