somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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