I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
