Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
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Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
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It was like giving head to a cactus.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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