How'd it feel making her break her religion?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
sarcasm needs its own font
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize