evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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