am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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