my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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