I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
if i died would you start the facebook group?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
