I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
