I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
