sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
