The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
