I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
