is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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