Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
