You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
