ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
