a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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