just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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