I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
home. puking in laundry basket.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
