I wish my penis had an off switch
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
