Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
