Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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