and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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