I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
lol hangovers are for mortals.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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