I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you mean i was at the winter classic?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
