I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
