The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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