I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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