Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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