they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
