Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
