chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My balls are so social today.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
