Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
