I just cut my nipple shaving
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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