i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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