the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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