either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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