His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
