I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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