ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
