So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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