God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
you had me at cake vodka
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I can't turn off my feet"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
