I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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