I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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