Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
