You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
