Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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