..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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