dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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