I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
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Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
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There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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