Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
this boner is exhausting
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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