My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Pants are for mortals
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
