I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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