Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
