My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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