dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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