i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
