I think i peed on brittanys purse
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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