I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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