it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
