I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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